Paul's potatoes au gratin au vin

Paul brought these potatoes to a gathering at my mom's house. Here's the recipe exactly as he gave it to my mom. If this dish suits your dietary restrictions, by all means please make it in his memory.

Today is Day 20 of this nightmarish new reality.

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Potatoes au gratin au vin a la Justin

• 6-8 large potatoes cut into thin slices
  
• olive oil
  
• 6-8 large onions cut into thin slices
  
• 1 cup white wine (sauterne if possible)
  
• ground cayenne pepper to taste (substitute chili powder if you don't like hot stuff)
  
• 4.5 cups grated white cheddar and Italian cheeses. (I use the Sargento brand pre-grated cause I'm lazy...but you can add your own mix of grated romano, provolone, parmesan, asiago, etc. I really like dry Monterey Jack as well.)
  
• salt to taste
  

Oil pan (I usually spray with non-stick spray as well).
Layer in potatoes, onions, and cheese.
Pour in the wine.
Sprinkle top with pepper.
Bake at 375 for an hour.

I miss my man, that tender flower...

...It was on a deeply violet night he came to me.
Under unquiet sky, I took his innocence...
His exhausted smile and oak leaves in his hair.
Steadfast he was and at my side in tranquil time or war,
but now he's gone a journey and I wait alone.
I mourn my man, I mourn ahead of time,
His lifeless body, laughter fading from my mind...
--"The Song of Coinchend Cennfada"

Garlic green beans and cashews for the bereaved

I made this tonight and it turned out pretty well, so I thought I'd post it, in case anybody needs to cook when they're bereaved. It also seemed like the thing to do -- post a recipe in memory of Paul.

IIt doesn't take much time or effort and you can do it when your head's in a fog. I put cashews in there because nuts are small, and yet pack a lot of calories -- so when you are grieving and have little or no appetite, you can eat nuts and make sure you are getting enough fuel to run on.

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
  
• 1 pound green beans, cleaned and tips removed
  
• salt and pepper to taste
  
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried marjoram
  
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh garlic
  
• 3 tablespoons water
  
• 1/2 cup cashew halves
  

Heat a skillet over medium high heat. Add the olive oil. Add the beans, salt and pepper. Saute for 3 minutes. Add the marjoram and garlic and saute another minute. Add the water, cover, and reduce heat to medium. Cook 10 minutes, add the cashews, and cook 5 minutes more. Serves 2 as main dish, 4 as side dish.

Day 13 of this new reality...

I wish I could go back to the old one...

Echo, by Christina Rosetti

Come to me in the silence of the night;
Come in the speaking silence of a dream;
Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright
As sunlight on a stream;
Come back in tears,
O memory, hope and love of finished years.

O dream how sweet, too sweet, too bitter-sweet,
Whose wakening should have been in Paradise,
Where souls brim-full of love abide and meet;
Where thirsting longing eyes
Watch the slow door
That opening, letting in, lets out no more.

Yet come to me in dreams, that I may live
My very life again though cold in death;
Come back to me in dreams, that I may give
Pulse for pulse, breath for breath:
Speak low, lean low,
As long ago, my love, how long ago.

An unfathomable loss

Paul Decker, 1959-2008